BECAUSE
my two best friends are leaving for the states in two weeks
they need to know i'm still cool and humourous and impatient and exasperated and annoying
i'm bored.
Showing posts with label Therein Lies The Paradox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Therein Lies The Paradox. Show all posts
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The List of Things Wakarimasen
The list of things Wakarimasen, which means I cannot understand in Japanese.
Why Pharrell Williams let me down so badly in this year's N.E.R.D Live at Esplanade (part of Mosaic Music Festival) concert which I paid a bomb for. He wore polka dotted skinny jeans and toward the end of the night screamed - I'M SOOOOOOO HORNY TONIGHT. P Williams, if farking is all you think about then...
Why most people don't get that rushing to get to the front of the queue will only push them farther behind the queue.
Why my family LOVES freebies so bloody much. Especially NDP goodie bags.
Why Crocs is getting more and more ubiquitous. And why someone even thought of Crocs and marketed it into such a sellable franchise. Whoever you are, here's a new idea: Golden Ping Pong Balls made of actual gold. Medicine balls to help you keep fit, so golden ping pong balls to help you hit harder. (no sexual innuendo intended)
Why is it that once I turned 18 this year, I actually started being able to tolerate my parents and enjoy spending time with them. And enjoy it even more.
Why I like Britney Spears.
Why Miley Cyrus seems to be more famous then Roald Dahl. (If you don't know who he is, then I am sad to say that you have a deprived childhood.)
Why I don't (or rather, didn't) have a better judgement of what friends should be like and had to be hurt more than I could imagine so many many times before. My best friend now is the plump rat that feeds on the weeds in the garden and cannot seem to die despite the many traps we place to ensnare him. (Joking la. Didn't I mention how much money I spent on my lousy friends?) But srsly, true friends are hard to come by.
Why I suck when it comes to technology. Believe it or not I cannot get my pictures to align properly thus my posts are all wordy and confusing. (For those of you who can't tell the difference between stationery and stationary, I suggest you go play Neopets.) I need help from a blogging expert pls.
Why I REALLY SUCK AT TECHNOLOGY. Like today during my final theory trial prac I was hitting the computer screen because I couldnt get it to respond (it was touch screen), and everyone else was so at ease. I am really jittery when it comes to computers / iPhones / laptops.
Why karma takes so long to take effect. Not being bitter... Just. Yknow. Wondering. -makes a voodoo doll
Why my junk mail is full of horny requests from GIRLS. MOSTLY BLONDE GIRLS. HARDCORE.
Why when my friends refer to me as Eug, their friends always think I am their secret admirer cum boyfriend cum player dude who hit on them randomly on the street.
Why people always spell my name wrongly. It's EUGINIA. not EUGENIA.
Why my parents try so hard to be different that they had to spell my name with an "i".
Why people think conforming is good. Just because I home school, (am taking my A's next year), most people think I am
a) an idiot at all aspects, including eating, drinking, doing sports etc.
b) a punk with secret tattoos on her bum
c) retarded i.e. someone once asked me whether i understood "bright-eyed and bushy tailed"
d) ready to kill herself at any word they say ( I am home schooled because I was diagnosed with depression. Hard to believe eh? Am still on meds.)
Why my parents look really Asian yet most people think I am mixed. (This is not exactly a good thing. Some people actually make really snide remarks abt it.)
Why I am not photogenic. But I think I look fine in real life.
I really am not photogenic, this is not Little Miss Low Self Esteem or Mister Insecure About His Size speaking.
Why kids always think I am only 6. They think I'm a really tall, really strong 6 year old kid.
Why I am nothing like my mother and take after my dad COMPLETELY personality-wise. This is true. All of my relatives say this.
Why I dislike blonde guys. Even Brad Pitt.
Why I notice pretty girls really quick. (I am straight.)
Why pretty girls think I'm giving them a bitch face when I am admiring them.
Why my mother laughs like a cross between a cockerel and screeching tyres, and why she snores like a bulldozer. Once when we were on holiday, I woke up in the middle of the night wondering why there was construction going on, and it was actually my mom. Not exaggerating.
Why people always think I am exaggerating when I am not.
Why everyone thinks that being an only child = being lonely and emo 24/7
Trust me, me getting my private time alone is a battle I face constantly
Why people name their children using palindromes.
Palindromes are words that spell the same backward and forward, e.g. Bob, Anna, Hannah and Dad.
Is your kid named Dad?
Why I cannot stand white, creamy foods like mayonnaise, cream base sauce, whipped cream.
I have eaten all of the above only once in my life and hated them. My most repulsive memories.
Why my list of things Wakarimasen is also a list of things revealing ME as a person ! Does this indicate smth to all wannabe psychiatrists ?
Let me give it to you straight - Don't read too much into it. It's most likely a coincidence.
If you want to give it an underlying meaning like oh you are still in denial and you are probably in doubt of yourself and you have to take a personality quiz for me to assess you then....
I shove fortune cookie up your arse.
(Search this on youtube.com under Asian Prank Call by OwnagePranks. LOL.)
Why Pharrell Williams let me down so badly in this year's N.E.R.D Live at Esplanade (part of Mosaic Music Festival) concert which I paid a bomb for. He wore polka dotted skinny jeans and toward the end of the night screamed - I'M SOOOOOOO HORNY TONIGHT. P Williams, if farking is all you think about then...
Why most people don't get that rushing to get to the front of the queue will only push them farther behind the queue.
Why my family LOVES freebies so bloody much. Especially NDP goodie bags.
Why Crocs is getting more and more ubiquitous. And why someone even thought of Crocs and marketed it into such a sellable franchise. Whoever you are, here's a new idea: Golden Ping Pong Balls made of actual gold. Medicine balls to help you keep fit, so golden ping pong balls to help you hit harder. (no sexual innuendo intended)
Why is it that once I turned 18 this year, I actually started being able to tolerate my parents and enjoy spending time with them. And enjoy it even more.
Why I like Britney Spears.
Why Miley Cyrus seems to be more famous then Roald Dahl. (If you don't know who he is, then I am sad to say that you have a deprived childhood.)
Why I don't (or rather, didn't) have a better judgement of what friends should be like and had to be hurt more than I could imagine so many many times before. My best friend now is the plump rat that feeds on the weeds in the garden and cannot seem to die despite the many traps we place to ensnare him. (Joking la. Didn't I mention how much money I spent on my lousy friends?) But srsly, true friends are hard to come by.
Why I suck when it comes to technology. Believe it or not I cannot get my pictures to align properly thus my posts are all wordy and confusing. (For those of you who can't tell the difference between stationery and stationary, I suggest you go play Neopets.) I need help from a blogging expert pls.
Why I REALLY SUCK AT TECHNOLOGY. Like today during my final theory trial prac I was hitting the computer screen because I couldnt get it to respond (it was touch screen), and everyone else was so at ease. I am really jittery when it comes to computers / iPhones / laptops.
Why karma takes so long to take effect. Not being bitter... Just. Yknow. Wondering. -makes a voodoo doll
Why my junk mail is full of horny requests from GIRLS. MOSTLY BLONDE GIRLS. HARDCORE.
Why when my friends refer to me as Eug, their friends always think I am their secret admirer cum boyfriend cum player dude who hit on them randomly on the street.
Why people always spell my name wrongly. It's EUGINIA. not EUGENIA.
Why my parents try so hard to be different that they had to spell my name with an "i".
Why people think conforming is good. Just because I home school, (am taking my A's next year), most people think I am
a) an idiot at all aspects, including eating, drinking, doing sports etc.
b) a punk with secret tattoos on her bum
c) retarded i.e. someone once asked me whether i understood "bright-eyed and bushy tailed"
d) ready to kill herself at any word they say ( I am home schooled because I was diagnosed with depression. Hard to believe eh? Am still on meds.)
Why my parents look really Asian yet most people think I am mixed. (This is not exactly a good thing. Some people actually make really snide remarks abt it.)
Why I am not photogenic. But I think I look fine in real life.
I really am not photogenic, this is not Little Miss Low Self Esteem or Mister Insecure About His Size speaking.
Why kids always think I am only 6. They think I'm a really tall, really strong 6 year old kid.
Why I am nothing like my mother and take after my dad COMPLETELY personality-wise. This is true. All of my relatives say this.
Why I dislike blonde guys. Even Brad Pitt.
Why I notice pretty girls really quick. (I am straight.)
Why pretty girls think I'm giving them a bitch face when I am admiring them.
Why my mother laughs like a cross between a cockerel and screeching tyres, and why she snores like a bulldozer. Once when we were on holiday, I woke up in the middle of the night wondering why there was construction going on, and it was actually my mom. Not exaggerating.
Why people always think I am exaggerating when I am not.
Why everyone thinks that being an only child = being lonely and emo 24/7
Trust me, me getting my private time alone is a battle I face constantly
Why people name their children using palindromes.
Palindromes are words that spell the same backward and forward, e.g. Bob, Anna, Hannah and Dad.
Is your kid named Dad?
Why I cannot stand white, creamy foods like mayonnaise, cream base sauce, whipped cream.
I have eaten all of the above only once in my life and hated them. My most repulsive memories.
Why my list of things Wakarimasen is also a list of things revealing ME as a person ! Does this indicate smth to all wannabe psychiatrists ?
Let me give it to you straight - Don't read too much into it. It's most likely a coincidence.
If you want to give it an underlying meaning like oh you are still in denial and you are probably in doubt of yourself and you have to take a personality quiz for me to assess you then....
I shove fortune cookie up your arse.
(Search this on youtube.com under Asian Prank Call by OwnagePranks. LOL.)
Monday, August 10, 2009
Things I Don't Get About Girls
Okay I'm a girl, but honestly - I don't get a lot of things girls do. I shop a lot, I have plenty many eye candy and I have more than enough clothes / shoes / bags / accessories but I still feel like in a small unseen unnoticeable way, I still function and think like a boy.
1) I don't get why girls are always late.
I was late for at most an hour. And that was what, thrice in my 18 years of life ? And an hour is chicken feet la srsly. It's like waiting for an ant to crawl from the sink to the ground. If I have to wait for a girl, I would be prepared to wait for the ant to crawl from the sink, to the ground, back to the sink to rummage for a random breadcrumb, hoist the crumb up on its back, maybe put it down again to size it up a bit... ("hmm, it's Mrs Fields today. Cool.") then once again carry it back and crawl down to the ground.
You get my drift. (And also a sneak peek into being an ant for a few hours.)
2) I don't get why girls like to LINK ARMS.
My cousin NEVER links arms with me - but that's because she's the only person who understands how I'm programmed. (And also because the hairs on our arms cause mild electro currents when we touch. Hurts like shiz.) Girls always link arms and this makes me think of chimpanzees having foreplay. I hate people who link arms, except when they are doing some form of dance I cannot comprehend. Then go ahead (and look like an idiot) by all means. But on a daily basis?
No.
3) I can never understand why girls like pink / blonde jokes / Bring It On Series.
Bring It On = Showing that being blonde and liking pink is your way up to popularity.
Blonde Jokes = Showing that being blonde is stupid and thus stereotyping.
Laughing at Blonde Jokes = Showing that Bring It On is stupid. Therefore why watch it?
The colour Pink = The inspiration behind Bring It On and Blonde Jokes.
Okay whatever. I am trying to create a pointless equation out of something pointless. My point is that these three things all suck majorly.
4) Why Girls Always REMEMBER SO BLOODY WELL
Honestly.... I remember funny things and scary things and revolting things, like how much people stink, but I don't remember what exactly the stench was made up of or what colour the person was wearing or what shoes or what brand or what the hell he said five minutes ago and thus made you really pissed because it's degrading or why he said that or how an ant hoisted a breadcrumb and crawled to the floor in about an hour yada yada yada.
If you remember too much, you start to laugh a little less. Know why? You're too miserable! Trying to pack in so much in that measly unsoakable sponge we call our brains is too tiring... Take it from me. If something doesnt stink, doesnt make you laugh until your eyes tear, doesnt make you want to kill someone, doesnt show boobs or butts, doesnt say things like "Savvy?" or "I've got a jar of dirt!!!!" (it's Johnny Depp, morons.) and doesn't make you ask yourself - "WHY WAS I SUCH AN IDIOT / AWESOME PERSON / EPIPHANY ?" then
FORGET IT. I can't even rmbr what I wore today.
Wait, I can. Know why ? It makes me ask - WHY AM I SUCH AN AWESOME PERSON.
4) Why girls HAVE TO RATIONALIZE EVERYTHING.
Half this post is lame and rubbishy. Know why? BECAUSE. see ! Being irrational is fun and good for your health. Know why? It makes your hair less grey, it makes you order more junk food, and it makes you delusional !
See how much more fun I have compared to most girls.
5) Why Girls Always Think They Are Fat
Okay, you're fat. Go on a diet. Okay, you're not fat, stay that way.
QUIT HARPING ON IT. If you really want to talk about smth, say some blonde jokes.
Wait... Did I Just....
Nope. Moving On...
6) Why Girls Always Contradict Themselves
And thus Concludes Yours Truly, and my post for the day.
P.S I'M BACK BITCHAZZZZZZZZZZZZ
will reply to hate mail / spam / death threats , anytime !
1) I don't get why girls are always late.
I was late for at most an hour. And that was what, thrice in my 18 years of life ? And an hour is chicken feet la srsly. It's like waiting for an ant to crawl from the sink to the ground. If I have to wait for a girl, I would be prepared to wait for the ant to crawl from the sink, to the ground, back to the sink to rummage for a random breadcrumb, hoist the crumb up on its back, maybe put it down again to size it up a bit... ("hmm, it's Mrs Fields today. Cool.") then once again carry it back and crawl down to the ground.
You get my drift. (And also a sneak peek into being an ant for a few hours.)
2) I don't get why girls like to LINK ARMS.
My cousin NEVER links arms with me - but that's because she's the only person who understands how I'm programmed. (And also because the hairs on our arms cause mild electro currents when we touch. Hurts like shiz.) Girls always link arms and this makes me think of chimpanzees having foreplay. I hate people who link arms, except when they are doing some form of dance I cannot comprehend. Then go ahead (and look like an idiot) by all means. But on a daily basis?
No.
3) I can never understand why girls like pink / blonde jokes / Bring It On Series.
Bring It On = Showing that being blonde and liking pink is your way up to popularity.
Blonde Jokes = Showing that being blonde is stupid and thus stereotyping.
Laughing at Blonde Jokes = Showing that Bring It On is stupid. Therefore why watch it?
The colour Pink = The inspiration behind Bring It On and Blonde Jokes.
Okay whatever. I am trying to create a pointless equation out of something pointless. My point is that these three things all suck majorly.
4) Why Girls Always REMEMBER SO BLOODY WELL
Honestly.... I remember funny things and scary things and revolting things, like how much people stink, but I don't remember what exactly the stench was made up of or what colour the person was wearing or what shoes or what brand or what the hell he said five minutes ago and thus made you really pissed because it's degrading or why he said that or how an ant hoisted a breadcrumb and crawled to the floor in about an hour yada yada yada.
If you remember too much, you start to laugh a little less. Know why? You're too miserable! Trying to pack in so much in that measly unsoakable sponge we call our brains is too tiring... Take it from me. If something doesnt stink, doesnt make you laugh until your eyes tear, doesnt make you want to kill someone, doesnt show boobs or butts, doesnt say things like "Savvy?" or "I've got a jar of dirt!!!!" (it's Johnny Depp, morons.) and doesn't make you ask yourself - "WHY WAS I SUCH AN IDIOT / AWESOME PERSON / EPIPHANY ?" then
FORGET IT. I can't even rmbr what I wore today.
Wait, I can. Know why ? It makes me ask - WHY AM I SUCH AN AWESOME PERSON.
4) Why girls HAVE TO RATIONALIZE EVERYTHING.
Half this post is lame and rubbishy. Know why? BECAUSE. see ! Being irrational is fun and good for your health. Know why? It makes your hair less grey, it makes you order more junk food, and it makes you delusional !
See how much more fun I have compared to most girls.
5) Why Girls Always Think They Are Fat
Okay, you're fat. Go on a diet. Okay, you're not fat, stay that way.
QUIT HARPING ON IT. If you really want to talk about smth, say some blonde jokes.
Wait... Did I Just....
Nope. Moving On...
6) Why Girls Always Contradict Themselves
And thus Concludes Yours Truly, and my post for the day.
P.S I'M BACK BITCHAZZZZZZZZZZZZ
will reply to hate mail / spam / death threats , anytime !
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