Things I Don't Get About Girls

Okay I'm a girl, but honestly - I don't get a lot of things girls do. I shop a lot, I have plenty many eye candy and I have more than enough clothes / shoes / bags / accessories but I still feel like in a small unseen unnoticeable way, I still function and think like a boy.

1) I don't get why girls are always late.

I was late for at most an hour. And that was what, thrice in my 18 years of life ? And an hour is chicken feet la srsly. It's like waiting for an ant to crawl from the sink to the ground. If I have to wait for a girl, I would be prepared to wait for the ant to crawl from the sink, to the ground, back to the sink to rummage for a random breadcrumb, hoist the crumb up on its back, maybe put it down again to size it up a bit... ("hmm, it's Mrs Fields today. Cool.") then once again carry it back and crawl down to the ground.

You get my drift. (And also a sneak peek into being an ant for a few hours.)

2) I don't get why girls like to LINK ARMS.

My cousin NEVER links arms with me - but that's because she's the only person who understands how I'm programmed. (And also because the hairs on our arms cause mild electro currents when we touch. Hurts like shiz.) Girls always link arms and this makes me think of chimpanzees having foreplay. I hate people who link arms, except when they are doing some form of dance I cannot comprehend. Then go ahead (and look like an idiot) by all means. But on a daily basis?

No.

3) I can never understand why girls like pink / blonde jokes / Bring It On Series.

Bring It On = Showing that being blonde and liking pink is your way up to popularity.

Blonde Jokes = Showing that being blonde is stupid and thus stereotyping.
Laughing at Blonde Jokes = Showing that Bring It On is stupid. Therefore why watch it?

The colour Pink = The inspiration behind Bring It On and Blonde Jokes.

Okay whatever. I am trying to create a pointless equation out of something pointless. My point is that these three things all suck majorly.

4) Why Girls Always REMEMBER SO BLOODY WELL

Honestly.... I remember funny things and scary things and revolting things, like how much people stink, but I don't remember what exactly the stench was made up of or what colour the person was wearing or what shoes or what brand or what the hell he said five minutes ago and thus made you really pissed because it's degrading or why he said that or how an ant hoisted a breadcrumb and crawled to the floor in about an hour yada yada yada.

If you remember too much, you start to laugh a little less. Know why? You're too miserable! Trying to pack in so much in that measly unsoakable sponge we call our brains is too tiring... Take it from me. If something doesnt stink, doesnt make you laugh until your eyes tear, doesnt make you want to kill someone, doesnt show boobs or butts, doesnt say things like "Savvy?" or "I've got a jar of dirt!!!!" (it's Johnny Depp, morons.) and doesn't make you ask yourself - "WHY WAS I SUCH AN IDIOT / AWESOME PERSON / EPIPHANY ?" then

FORGET IT. I can't even rmbr what I wore today.
Wait, I can. Know why ? It makes me ask - WHY AM I SUCH AN AWESOME PERSON.

4) Why girls HAVE TO RATIONALIZE EVERYTHING.

Half this post is lame and rubbishy. Know why? BECAUSE. see ! Being irrational is fun and good for your health. Know why? It makes your hair less grey, it makes you order more junk food, and it makes you delusional !

See how much more fun I have compared to most girls.

5) Why Girls Always Think They Are Fat

Okay, you're fat. Go on a diet. Okay, you're not fat, stay that way.

QUIT HARPING ON IT. If you really want to talk about smth, say some blonde jokes.
Wait... Did I Just....

Nope. Moving On...

6) Why Girls Always Contradict Themselves

And thus Concludes Yours Truly, and my post for the day.


P.S I'M BACK BITCHAZZZZZZZZZZZZ

will reply to hate mail / spam / death threats , anytime !