Homer Simpson is Optimistic

There yall go - My favourite person !

Or rather , one of my favourite people. Know why ?

Homer Simpson is optimistic. And being optimistic is easy ! But sadly, most people forget now and then (always bloody always).

Here are some tips and examples on how to be OPTIMISTIC, like Homer Simpson.

If you lose your job....

Take a holiday!

Homer Simpson said, "It's the perfect time for a holiday, I Just lost my job again last week!"

See. By taking a holiday, you can splurge your money which you worked painstakingly hard for, buy useless and frivolous things to make you feel better for a short while, then, upon returning home, recline on your sofa and take on your new job: couch potato.

See how things always work out in the end. You not only get a new job, but you waste excess money which you may actually need to pay your bills and boring necessities with! Cool huh?

If you are overweight....

BE like Homer. Subscrite to Men's Fatness.

Binge, overeat, and the faster you do that, the faster your arteries clog up and the faster you get a heart attack. Once that happens, sympathetic family members might actually contribute to the cost of your liposuction / breast augmentation !

Things work out so easily. If you don't actually survive the heart attack, be happy you at least ate everything in the world alr. You led a full, happy, bloated life.

Also, it is a new excuse for you to go shopping. Buy clothes that can fit about three of Kate Moss and then.... flaunt yourself!

If you have no friends....

Be grateful, because you just saved youself a whole hoard of cash.

I spend tons on my (ungrateful, boring, lame) friends everytime. Here's a quick illustration of my generosity -

My cousin P: Hey this ice-cream costs 50cents, but I only have 49cents.

Me: Here you go, I just so happen to have 1cent on moi and I am happy enough to starve the

whole day just so you can stuff youself with your cholesterol filled , preservative laden junk food !

P: Cool, thanks.

OR even worse, the other day at somewhere I forgot -

D: Yo, you owe me 20cents.

Me: Sigh. I am always giving you money for free. Do I look like a bloody Charity Institute ?

D: But you owe me...

Me: -cuts her off. FINE. If you need money so bad, just ASK. I don't even mind my dear.

D: um....

Last but not Least -

X: Yo I think you need to pay 50cents more to the waiter.

ME: Why? Because he forgot to wear deodorant and ruined my apetite, or because he farted

when halfway when he was taking my order?

X: Because there's 10% service charge.

Me: Riiiight, see X. I know you're being tactful and all, but... -pats her hand gently. You can just,

ASK ME. I'm game for lending you money !

X: Eug, the waiter's waiting.

Me: -smiles slyly. Of courrrrrrrrrrrrrse he is friend.... Of course.

X: Remind me again why I'm out with you ?

Anyways. All in all I have spent about.... -calculates intensely.


$967270 on my friends.


See, if I were you, I would rather be stuck alone in my room, talking to virtual people on my computer screen, slitting my thin anorexic wrists and being bulimic. Whatever pre teenagers do nowadays to entertain themselves, I dont know.

Why part with your money? Say NO to friends to lead an empty, hollow and joyless life - be exceedingly rich! Be on Forbes!


If you suck at something.....



BE like another one of my favourite people. For her sake lets just call her J da Funk.


J da Funk recently asked me to review her school testimonial or whatever.
It went like this:


Despite being a school table tennis representative at her secondary school, she made a bold
choice to pick up a new sport, volleyball.

Now note the words she used - DESPITE. BOLD.


These are words you can incorporate too !

e.g. Despite being a loser, I decided to be BOLD and join the Biggest Loser and ignore all the pple in the world who still laugh at me despite my bold choice.


J Da Funk is also noteworthy in another way. Know why?

She is smart and optimistic enough to WRITE HER OWN TESTIMONIAL, THEREFORE EXAGGERATING HER STRENGTHS AND DOWNPLAYING HER WEAKNESSES.

So what do you do when things get you down? Write an awesome testimonial for yourself.


Now this is how my long, tedious task for my humble self would look like:




I




AM





AWESOME.




and there you have it folks, all your problems are SOLVED.


almost. except you're still balding i guess....will reply to hate mail / spam / death threats anytime !


OK I REALLY DONTKNOW WHY THE SPACING SUCKS ALTHOUGH I SPACED IT SO WELL.