Here are a few One Liners I thought I ought to share -
SIGNS OF THE TIMES:
To avoid burning your hands with hot water, feel the water first before putting your hand in.
To call room service, just open the door and call room service.
At a Cairo Zoo : Please don't feed the animals. If you have any spare food hand it to the attendants.
In an Indian Maternity Hospital : Visitors. Hubands only. One per patient.
SOCIETY:
Society is where people spend money they haven't got to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like.
A good host makes his guests feel at home, even though he wished they were.
MISCELLANEOUS ADVICE :
Whatever happens, look as though it was intended.
People who love sausages and the law should never watch either being made.
The only time to be positive is when you are certain you are wrong.
WEDDING SPEECHES :
Ladies and gentlemen. We all know about John, but in the interests of harmony and in order not to embarass the bride I will only dwell on the pleasant side of his character. Thank you very much (and proceed to sit down).
In many ways (the groom) has been like a son to me - insolent, ungrateful, disrespectful.
Congratulations Gerald. It was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Signed, Mary, Terese, Wendy, Karen, Julie, Barbara, Estelle & Agatha.
Here's to me. I've finally found what's unbelievable -
A sex-mad maid who's inconceivable.
Bring on the LOLs.
And my dad, being my dad, had to highlight this one :
I don't mind suffering in silence, provided everyone knows I'm doing it.
To Dad :
What was that again ?
To end off, Here's Whipper, a mutant parakeet from New Zealand.
Google him, he's preeeeeeeeetty famous.
Proof that promiscuity between different species is the key to...
New mops.
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