Phrases that really irk me to no end.
1) AISH ZHINZHA.
2) SIMI LJ
3) DUDE, YOU'RE THE BEST
4) PLEASE REVERT BACK TO ME ASAP
5) (sms lang.) how ah, i very scare
6) ROFL
7) THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY
8) HMM.... NOT SURE
9) (sms lang.) M @ orchard now. Where r u
10) Most classic example ever - J pl cl m nw (Jia pls call me now)
Moving on... worst rapper names ever. (How do their friends even address them? Like I would be too ashamed to even be their friend just due to the sheer terror of calling them in public. I once read in the paper about a boy named Lim Fa Khe, who has and I bet still is having the worse life ever due to his parents' stupidity.)
starting from gag-worthy to OMFG -
10) Bubba Sparxxx
9) Cunninlynguists
8) Noreaga (gonnorhea)
7) Shorty Shitstain
6) Devin the Dude (at least Shitstain gives some gangsta vibe)
5) Messy Marv ('nuff said)
4) Hoobastank (yeah yeah not a rapper but wtf? who's Hooba and why does he stink? or how did he stop stinking?)
3)Swollen Members
2)Anyone with Lil' in front of their names (Lil' Flip, Lil' Scrappy, Lil' Wayne... etc.)
and the winner is -
1) Del tha Funkee Homosapien
Congrats, we just found out you were human!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Stuff I REALLY WANT TO SAY
Sometimes when people ask me stupid questions, here's how I want to reply them. Especially when my mother drags me to her social events which never fail to make me ponder the question; WHY DO SUCKY PEOPLE EXIST?!
1)When people ask me
Woman: Do you know how to get to Novena MRT Station/random place?
Me: Yes! I do! Do i get a prize for knowing?
Woman: ....
Me: No? Well then that's okay. -walks off.
2)When people ask me
Man: So how old are you now?
Me: I... Wait, it's on the tip of my tongue... I know this somehow.... 21 DAYS CLEAN!
3)When people ask me
Woman: So... what are your hobbies?
Me: Answering wonderfully inane questions of yours JUST SO i can get your approval. Yup. I need that. Completes my day,month and year.
4)When people ask me
Man: So what DO YOU want to be when you grow up?
Me: I was stuck between deciding on tying knots on people's earphones just to annoy the hell out of them or timing how long it takes for an anorexic girl to squeeze chilli out of the packet, but now that I've met you I've decided to just watch grass grow AND count the number of cumulus clouds floating above me.
5)When people ask me
Woman: Do you like your MOMMY better or your DADDY better? -gives me a playful wink
Me: You would like me to say mommy right? Well I'm gonna be frank and say - Don't I look a bit like Zhang Ziyi? BLAME THE MAN! -points accusing finger at The Father
6)When people ask me
Man: Are you hungry?
Me: Are you broke?
7)When people ask me
Woman: What would you like to eat?
Me: Although the very thought of you acting friendly puts me off, yes I'll have the lobster for which YOU should jolly well have the decency to pay since you are the not so gracious host. Jeez. Ease up on the Botox woman.
8)When people ask me
Man: So where would you like to travel to someday?
Me: OH DID I SAY THAT? Did I....? Wow. You just read my mind. Congrats. I mean, it isn't as if you have anything better to do is there? Besides sit there and predict where and when and how and with whom I'd like to go out with? Fly an airplane with? Well since you mentioned I read somewhere that there was this dude who collected airsick bags and is has now managed to garner about 941 of them so I would like to go to his house, tear them all up one by one and then steal one so I can be sick in it.
9)When people ask me
Woman: Don't you know your mother is such a star?
Me: Yeah well, have you met her daughter? God. I tell you... the amount of awesomeness in that kid is just... it just blows me away. Sometimes I think about it and it's hard to imagine that it's me. That I am. That. Great. GOSH!
10) When people ask me
Man: Did you have a nice time?
Me: Oh come on do we have to do this? I mean, we all knew you were wearing a wig and everyone was laughing at you and not your jokes. And the lady on your left has fake boobs and keeps pushing them to your face. But well okay if you HONESTLY want me to do this then - NOPE!
And lastly....
When people ask: What time is it?
Me: Screw you! I know the capital of Finland and the colour of the Libyan flag. So what if i don't have a watch for goodness' sake!
Have a great day non existent readers.
1)When people ask me
Woman: Do you know how to get to Novena MRT Station/random place?
Me: Yes! I do! Do i get a prize for knowing?
Woman: ....
Me: No? Well then that's okay. -walks off.
2)When people ask me
Man: So how old are you now?
Me: I... Wait, it's on the tip of my tongue... I know this somehow.... 21 DAYS CLEAN!
3)When people ask me
Woman: So... what are your hobbies?
Me: Answering wonderfully inane questions of yours JUST SO i can get your approval. Yup. I need that. Completes my day,month and year.
4)When people ask me
Man: So what DO YOU want to be when you grow up?
Me: I was stuck between deciding on tying knots on people's earphones just to annoy the hell out of them or timing how long it takes for an anorexic girl to squeeze chilli out of the packet, but now that I've met you I've decided to just watch grass grow AND count the number of cumulus clouds floating above me.
5)When people ask me
Woman: Do you like your MOMMY better or your DADDY better? -gives me a playful wink
Me: You would like me to say mommy right? Well I'm gonna be frank and say - Don't I look a bit like Zhang Ziyi? BLAME THE MAN! -points accusing finger at The Father
6)When people ask me
Man: Are you hungry?
Me: Are you broke?
7)When people ask me
Woman: What would you like to eat?
Me: Although the very thought of you acting friendly puts me off, yes I'll have the lobster for which YOU should jolly well have the decency to pay since you are the not so gracious host. Jeez. Ease up on the Botox woman.
8)When people ask me
Man: So where would you like to travel to someday?
Me: OH DID I SAY THAT? Did I....? Wow. You just read my mind. Congrats. I mean, it isn't as if you have anything better to do is there? Besides sit there and predict where and when and how and with whom I'd like to go out with? Fly an airplane with? Well since you mentioned I read somewhere that there was this dude who collected airsick bags and is has now managed to garner about 941 of them so I would like to go to his house, tear them all up one by one and then steal one so I can be sick in it.
9)When people ask me
Woman: Don't you know your mother is such a star?
Me: Yeah well, have you met her daughter? God. I tell you... the amount of awesomeness in that kid is just... it just blows me away. Sometimes I think about it and it's hard to imagine that it's me. That I am. That. Great. GOSH!
10) When people ask me
Man: Did you have a nice time?
Me: Oh come on do we have to do this? I mean, we all knew you were wearing a wig and everyone was laughing at you and not your jokes. And the lady on your left has fake boobs and keeps pushing them to your face. But well okay if you HONESTLY want me to do this then - NOPE!
And lastly....
When people ask: What time is it?
Me: Screw you! I know the capital of Finland and the colour of the Libyan flag. So what if i don't have a watch for goodness' sake!
Have a great day non existent readers.
The People I Love to Death Annoy Me to Death
Things my family does to drive me mad -
1) Everytime I tell my mother I am going to bed, she quickly finds something about her computer that requires my help.
Me: Good night mom i'm going to bed.
Mom: Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait. How do i change the font colour to red again?
-helps her change font colour
Me: Ok good night.
Mom: Good night. Hold up could you just help me reply to this email?
About 5 hours later....
Me: Good nighhhhht.... -gets ready to dash to room
Mom: Hey could you help me save this in a thumb drive?
2) Everytime I ask my half-deaf dad a question while he is practicing guitar, he refuses to stop playing the guitar.
Me: Dad do you want dinner now?
Dad: What is it? -continues singing Whoa whoa yeah yeah, I love you more than I can sayyyyyy
3) In the car, when I want to take a nap, my granmother immediately has a question of no importance to ask me.
4) Everytime I'm watching a movie, and I forget to turn my handphone to the silent mode, my aunt will call me to ask a question of no importance.
5) When I am at my cousin's house and she is watching television, no matter how loudly I scream at her - she will NEVER answer any of my questions. Otherwise it will go like this;
Me: Pas? What time are we going out?
Pas: -laughs at something on tv.
Me: (After about 20minutes later) Pas? Pas?
Pas: (45 mins later, when there is an advert) Yeah you were saying?
...
6) After finishing dinner, my grandpa will ask me if I have taken dinner about 3 more times.
7) My dad likes to call me and start off the conversation like this:
Dad: Hello. Yes 3 Things. Number 1, you have an appointment with XXX tomorrow. Number 2, the thing you asked me to fax for you can't get through. Number 3 there is dinner with Uncle XXX tonight.
Me: Oh yeah okay regarding the fax....
Dad: -hangs up-
So i try to call him back.
Dad: Yeah?
Me: Umm dad, -tells him what I need him to do.
Dad: Why didn't you ask me when I called you just now?
8) My other aunt likes to scream very loudly over the phone although it is already about a metre away from my ear and everyone around my vicinity can hear what our entire convo is about.
9) My cousins like to lean all over me when we are watching television so thus sometimes I cannot breathe.
10) My mother likes to walk in on me when I am busy doing something and then look for her magazines, thus blocking my entire view of the computer. When I try to ask her to move, it becomes something like this.
Me:Mom can you move?
Mom: I'm looking for something, could you just help me find it?
Me: Okay. (and just as I stand up)
Mom: I FOUND IT! -walks away.
She will come in and do this at ten minute intervals.
1) Everytime I tell my mother I am going to bed, she quickly finds something about her computer that requires my help.
Me: Good night mom i'm going to bed.
Mom: Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait. How do i change the font colour to red again?
-helps her change font colour
Me: Ok good night.
Mom: Good night. Hold up could you just help me reply to this email?
About 5 hours later....
Me: Good nighhhhht.... -gets ready to dash to room
Mom: Hey could you help me save this in a thumb drive?
2) Everytime I ask my half-deaf dad a question while he is practicing guitar, he refuses to stop playing the guitar.
Me: Dad do you want dinner now?
Dad: What is it? -continues singing Whoa whoa yeah yeah, I love you more than I can sayyyyyy
3) In the car, when I want to take a nap, my granmother immediately has a question of no importance to ask me.
4) Everytime I'm watching a movie, and I forget to turn my handphone to the silent mode, my aunt will call me to ask a question of no importance.
5) When I am at my cousin's house and she is watching television, no matter how loudly I scream at her - she will NEVER answer any of my questions. Otherwise it will go like this;
Me: Pas? What time are we going out?
Pas: -laughs at something on tv.
Me: (After about 20minutes later) Pas? Pas?
Pas: (45 mins later, when there is an advert) Yeah you were saying?
...
6) After finishing dinner, my grandpa will ask me if I have taken dinner about 3 more times.
7) My dad likes to call me and start off the conversation like this:
Dad: Hello. Yes 3 Things. Number 1, you have an appointment with XXX tomorrow. Number 2, the thing you asked me to fax for you can't get through. Number 3 there is dinner with Uncle XXX tonight.
Me: Oh yeah okay regarding the fax....
Dad: -hangs up-
So i try to call him back.
Dad: Yeah?
Me: Umm dad, -tells him what I need him to do.
Dad: Why didn't you ask me when I called you just now?
8) My other aunt likes to scream very loudly over the phone although it is already about a metre away from my ear and everyone around my vicinity can hear what our entire convo is about.
9) My cousins like to lean all over me when we are watching television so thus sometimes I cannot breathe.
10) My mother likes to walk in on me when I am busy doing something and then look for her magazines, thus blocking my entire view of the computer. When I try to ask her to move, it becomes something like this.
Me:Mom can you move?
Mom: I'm looking for something, could you just help me find it?
Me: Okay. (and just as I stand up)
Mom: I FOUND IT! -walks away.
She will come in and do this at ten minute intervals.
I'M BACK AND I'M CREATING FACEBOOK
BECAUSE
my two best friends are leaving for the states in two weeks
they need to know i'm still cool and humourous and impatient and exasperated and annoying
i'm bored.
my two best friends are leaving for the states in two weeks
they need to know i'm still cool and humourous and impatient and exasperated and annoying
i'm bored.
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